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She Wants to Be Wicked
by Christina Decarie

She wants to be a witch: the kind of witch that rides on broomsticks and has green hair and a pointy black hat; the kind that has a cat she can talk to and the cat talks back. She wants to make potions out of dead lizards and boys' pus.

She wants to be a wicked girl and laugh whenever she pleases and never wear underwear on hot summer days. She doesn't want to kiss boys at recess or do what her mother says. If she's wicked, she won't have to make her bed or eat her peas.

Her mother wants a good daughter: the kind that finds her own path; the kind that doesn't have to make all the same mistakes she made. She wants her to get it right the first time around.
She wants a daughter that doesn't have to wear gloves and a hat to church on Sundays. She doesn't want her to serve her brothers first and herself last. She doesn't want her daughter to marry the first man she meets and sit before a minister, a guru, or a shaman. And she certainly doesn't want her to do what he says.

She tells her mother, "I want to be a witch" and thinks she doesn't need to say the rest out loud. Her mother will know what she means.

She says 'witch', and she means 'witch'. She means midnight rambles through the woods, nothing but a lantern and the glow of her cat's eyes to guide her. She will cackle instead of laugh. She will wear a swirling black cape - black as pitch - and pointy shoes with a brass buckle she will shine with her spit and the hem of her ruby velvet dress. She will call her minions 'my beauties'. 'Minions' is a new word for her, and if it means what she thinks it does, she wants lots of them.

She doesn't explain 'witch' to her mother. What else could it mean?

Her mother hears 'witch', and she thinks 'Wiccan'. She sees herself as a child, sitting in church, meek and mild, and thinks, Insert 'goddess' here. She sees a church - full of women - but a church nonetheless. She thinks of the ritual and mystery and magic that is religion and thinks it is all the same. She hears 'witch', thinks 'religion' and doesn't want a religious daughter.
She needs to negotiate and so thinks fast. She will meet her daughter halfway. "I'm sorry, you can't be witch. You can be a lesbian," she offers. "But you can't be a witch. It would break my heart."

A lesbian, she thinks. What's a lesbian? Do lesbians wear pointy hats? Do lesbians make potions and fly on broomsticks? Do lesbians like cats? Who wants to be a lesbian?

She wants to be wicked. She wants to be a witch. Her heart is broken.

Christina Decarie is accepting applicants for the position of minion.