Forget Magazine. Remember, Remember, Remember.

It's official. We've been warned. The league has been put on notice. The secret society of National Football League executives has sent the Canadian Football League membership a message courtesy of Marty York at Rogers Sportsnet.ca; "This kid (Steve Morley) better end up with the Green Bay Packers, or I guarantee you that the NFL is going to take a long, hard look at our relationship with the CFL," says the anonymous NFL executive.

Don't check your trousers for precipitation just yet, it gets worse. "We've given the CFL a lot of our time and a lot of our money over the years. We don't need headaches from the CFL," says the same executive.

There is nothing quite like being threatened by another professional sports affiliation. As much as a full crew of affluent owners signals a resurgence north of the border, when you can irk the NFL brass into some anonymous posturing, that's when you know you are truly back in the big time.

I always enjoyed the HBO Friday Night Fights promotions when Mike Tyson would erupt into some sort of staged violence to charge the pay-per-view numbers, so why not fabricate my own?
All this hoopla over a second-year Canadian lineman!? You go girl! Ding, ding, ding.

"Leeeeets get reeeaaady to libelllll!." It's the rumble in the tundra. In the left corner with the stars and stripes trunks and navy trim, the super heavyweight champion of the world... the National Football League! In the right corner, in the tasselled Sorrels and the red and white toque, the challenger... the Canuck Football League! This match is scheduled for three rounds. Keep the gloves up and obey my commands at all times. The three knockdown rule is in effect and you cannot be saved by the bell or large denominations of US currency.

Harold Lederman: "So George, in what looks to be a complete mismatch between fighters, let's examine the tale of the tape."

George Foreman: "Well I think the NFL is just too big here. They average over sixty-six thousand fans per game, they have a television contract bigger than Ricky Lake's rear end, they lent the CFL three million dollars three years ago, and if that weren't enough, they're peeved the CFL is disputing this Morley kids option year eligibility. I'm not sure the northern front can afford to trade blows with them straight up."

Harold Lederman: "That does not bode well for the CFLers George. How did they end up in this fight in the first place?"

George Foreman: "I believe the Green Bay Packers wanted to sign this kid Morley to a three-year deal worth almost a million-and-a-half dollars. CFL team representatives said Steve allegedly signed a contract extension with their team in December, yet speculation is that former executive Fred Fateri may have filed it in a shoebox with his Gucci loafers, so it wasn't found until the NFL deal had been completed."

Harold Lederman: "So is there or isn't there a valid contract? I mean how much grey area are we talking about here?"

George Foreman: "As much grey area as a porterhouse on my grill after seven minutes Harold."

Harold Lederman: "Wow, that's a lot of confusion George."

Harold Lederman: "Lets see what heavyweight champion and exiled Canadian Lennox Lewis thinks about the chances of the home and native land. Lennox?"

Lennox Lewis: "For schizzle. The super league is one hot toddy, but if you examine the facts the CFL looks to be a better fighter pound-for-pound."

Harold Lederman: "How's that Lennox?"

Lennox Lewis: "Well the CFL is smaller, you can't get around that Harold. They get twenty-five thousand a game, but the NFL has ten times the population to draw from and only 2.6 times the average fan attendance. So which country, per capita, really enjoys its football more? The CFL has been around longer, is the former world champion, has paid back that loan with interest, and even hands over their players like fortune cookies."

Harold Lederman: "Wow, sounds like the CFL should be about as concerned over this dispute as they were with the War of 1812. Any chance they both come out of this as winners?"

Lennox Lewis: "I dunno Harold. If the CFL isn't careful the NFL may stop taking their players. It may come down to a split decision."

Doug Brownis a 6'6" Defensive Tackle. Run your ass over.