Many facilities in communities around the country have received
anthrax threat letters.
Most were empty envelopes; some have contained powdery substances. The
purpose of these
guidelines is to recommend procedures for handling such incidents.
For example, did you know that if you receive a letter in the mail,
you should boil it in
water before opening its contents?
FACT: DO NOT PANIC.
OPINION: How could I possibly panic after reading a reassuring statement
written entirely in
FACT: Anthrax organisms can cause infection in the skin, gastrointestinal
system , or the lungs.
To do so, the organism must be rubbed into abraded skin, swallowed, or
inhaled as a fine,
OPINION: Avoid infection by NOT swallowing or rubbing suspicious looking
packages on your naked body as most people (like myself) tend to do whenever
the mailman pays
FACT: Disease can be prevented after exposure to the anthra spores by early
treatment with the
OPINION: It is recommended that you build up antibodies to diseases by
listening to a lot of
Anthrax. In particular, their collaboration with Public Enemy, "Bring Da
FACT: Anthrax is not spread from one person to another person.
OPINION: So feel free to poke and prod any coworker infected by anthrax
without any worry.
FACT: For anthrax to be effective as a covert agent, it must be aerosolized
into very small
particles. This is difficult to do, and requires a great deal of technical
skill and special equipment.
OPINION: This is why midgets are believed to be at the heart of this latest
scare. Only they have
hands little enough to pull something like this off so well.
FACT: If these small particles are inhaled, life-threatening lung infection
can occur, but prompt
recognition and treatment are effective.
OPINION: Just because there is the threat of anthrax now, it does not mean
that it is unsafe to
inhale white powder delivered through the mail. How else are you supposed to
tell if your latest
supply of cocaine is any good?
FACT: Do not shake or empty the contents of any suspicious envelope or
OPINION: Suspicious envelopes tend to have stamps on them. If you receive an
package with stamps on it, do not open it, and alert the authorities
FACT: Place the envelope or package in a plastic bag or some other type of
container to prevent
leakage of contents.
OPINION: Keep your co-workers at ease while doing this by joking about how
always trying to kill you.
FACT: Then leave the room and close the door, or section off the area to
prevent others from
entering (i.e., keep others away).
OPINION: An effective way to keep people away is by saying Econoline Crush
are in there.
FACT: List all people who were in the room or area when this suspicious
letter or package was
recognized. Give this list to both the local public health authorities and
law enforcement officials for follow-up investigations and advice.
OPINION: Just don't mention my name, or I'll fucking kill you for real next