Forget Magazine - Remember, Remember, Remember

Fact and Opinion
by Stephan MacLeod

FACT: Gorillas are very intelligent, and they share with us a full range of emotions: love, hate, fear, grief, joy, greed, generosity, pride, shame, empathy, and jealousy.
OPINION: Unlike most robots, gorillas feel shame when they kill their master.

FACT: They laugh when they are tickled and cry when they are sad or hurt.
OPINION: You'd be surprised how ticklish a 500 pound monkey is when you touch its special area.

FACT: Gorillas cry with sounds, not tears.
OPINION: I cry with sounds and tears when a gorilla mistakes me for a bannana salesman.

FACT: A typical gorilla family inclues one silverback, the strongest male and the undisputed leader; one immature male between 8 and 13 years old; three or four adult females, who ordinarily stay with the silverback for life; and three to six youngsters under 8 years old. Some groups are larger or smaller than this, and males sometimes travel alone or form bachelor groups.
OPINION: Having three of four adult females might seem ideal for most silverbacks, but it's tough work to keep track of all their birthdays.

FACT: Gorillas sleep about 13 hours each night and rest for several hours at midday. They build new sleeping nests every night by bending nearby plants into a springy platform, usually on the ground or in low trees.
OPINION: You'd get tired too, if you were constantly being harrased by Dian Fossey (or Dr. Jane Goodall - whichever's less unfunny).

FACT: When not resting they spend most of their time looking for food and eating it. They eat mostly plant foods: leaves, shoots, fruits, bulbs, bark, vines and nettles. They also eat ants, termites, grubs, worms and insect larvae.
OPINION: Those poor creatures. Why won't anybody feed them some Chicken McNuggets?

FACT: There are three types of gorillas: Western Lowland, Eastern Lowland and Mountain gorillas. The names refer to the different areas of Africa where they live.
OPINION: The bloody feud between the Eastern gorillas and the Western gorillas can only be solved with a great big group hug.

FACT: Mountain gorillas are the most critically endangered, with conservative estimates of only 400 to 600 living at this time.
OPINION: Living in the mountains allows these gorillas to get a good shot at the humans below them when they are throwing feces.

FACT: Gorillas are shy and peaceful. The only natural enemy of gorillas has always been human beings. Gorillas are still hunted for meat (bushmeat) and trophies in some parts of Africa, and they are caught in traps set for other animals.
OPINION: If gorillas are so "shy and peaceful", then who put the bug up their ass on that damned Planet of the Apes?

FACT: In the past, whenever an infant gorilla was captured for a zoo, the mother and often the other members of the family were killed as they defended the baby.
OPINION: That makes sense. Mothers tend to overreact when you're trying to kidnap their young. Just ask Macauley Culkin.

FACT: Now the most serious threat to free-living gorillas is the human population explosion. As more and more people take over the land for agriculture, logging and other development, the gorillas have nowhere left to go.
OPINION: Lately the solution for most problems is to build a call center and put these gorillas to work.


Stephan MacLeod has never had triskaidekaphobia. Well, once.


This is part 2 of a 2 part Fact and Opinion. Part 1 can be found here.




Today
Return to
CURRENT ARTICLE

Monday
WHOSE RIEL?
Kevin Bruyneel

Tuesday
NICARAGUA, CRACK AND THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY
Alejandro Bustos

Forget Sports
THE CANADIAN FOOTBALL LEAGUE
Matthew Dorrell

Thursday
SKIMMING ROCKS INTO TEXAS CREEK
Leisha Sagan

Friday
FACT AND OPINION
Stephan MacLeod


Last Week

MONDAY
CANADA DAY

  

FORGET SPORTS
HOCKEY CARDS

  

THURSDAY
THE LOWER HALF

  

FRIDAY
TV LA RUSSE

  

Archive
OLDER ARTICLES

Contact
Email Staff:
words@forgetmagazine.com
pictures@forgetmagazine.com

Mail:
Suite 730-510
West Hastings St.
V6B 1L8
Vancouver, BC
Canada

Phone : (604) 684-5533
Fax : (604) 683-2984


Mailing List