NuBody Cleavage claims to be "The World's Leader
in All Natural Breast Enhancement."
Is there some sort of election for this type
of leadership, or do they just throw a pen at a phone book like
when they pick the pope?
FACT: With this product, you can "tone, firm and increase
the size of your breasts naturally. It's the safe, all-natural
alternative to implants."
OPINION: Once you tone, firm and increase the size
of your breasts, you'll be able to gain the respect and
admiration of your poker buddies, Dave.
FACT: NuBody Cleavage has proven to be safe and effective
when used as directed. The cream is formulated with all natural,
herbal active ingredients and is manufactured in an FDA approved
laboratory. In addition, NuBody Cleavage's active herbal ingredients
are recognized as 'safe' by the FDA.
OPINION: 'Safe' is in quotation marks because when NuBody
is not used as directed, you could end up with a set of nipples
on your forehead.
FACT: Both NuBody Cleavage cream and capsules were tested
for over 2 years before being released to the general public.
OPINION: Studies on lab rats show that mice look funny
with big breasts.
FACT: Most women begin to feel results within 4 weeks
with a maximum affect in 6-8 weeks. However, it can take some
women up to 90 days before maximum results are achieved.
OPINION: If I was a woman, I'd be choosy about who I
let feel my results.
FACT: We do not make the claim that the results are
permanent as we know of nothing that will produce 'permanent'
results (including implants). No manufacturer guarantees permanent
OPINION: ...unless their product actually works. Which,
in this case, it would be silly to guarantee anything other
than greasy boobs and a craving for Lebanese food.
FACT: With NuBody Cleavage, once you've reached your maximum
size, your newly developed tissue will gradually revert back
to your original size if you do not continue generating new
tissue (as with any similar product). However, you will only
need to use NuBody Cleavage a couple of times per week to maintain
and build the new tissue. One jar can last up to 4 months under
the normal maintenance program.
OPINION: If you abuse your NuBody Cleavage you will end
up with more tissue than Kleenex at a snot party.
FACT: Our success rate reaches approximately 85% of the
women who use it as directed.
OPINION: The women who don't use it as directed have
difficulty understanding the instructions: "Rub this stuff on
FACT: NuBody Contours does not contain artificial hormones
like other breast enhancement products on the market. NuBody
Contours is formulated with mother nature's own natural herbs
and contains absolutely no artificial hormones.
OPINION: Unlike the Colonel's secret recipe.
FACT: NuBody Cleavage's all-herbal ingredients have
no weight gaining properties on other parts of the body.
OPINION: But they may cause blindness in one eye.
FACT: Nubody Cleavage works on all races. It was especially
formulated to penetrate the typically thicker skin of Asian
OPINION: Thicker skin? What the hell are they talking
about? Sumo wrestlers?
FACT: NuBody Cleavage Cream and NuBody Cleavage Capsules
are both derived from the same formula. Since the capsule formula
is taken internally, it does not contain certain ingredients
which make up the consistency of the cream.
OPINION: But the capsule will leave your breath minty
fresh, unlike the cream which tastes like Silly Putty.
FACT: Test results show NuBody Cleavage capsules are more
potent than NuBody Cleavage cream. Faster, more dramatic results
are usually achieved when both formulas are used simultaneously.
OPINION: By "more dramatic results", they mean a bad
case of the jitters combined with various bowel obstructions.
FACT: NuBody Cleavage is not recommended for women who
may be pregnant or lactating.
OPINION: What about cattle?