Fact and Opinion
by Stephan MacLeod

FACT: People didn't always say "hello" when they answered the phone. When the first regular phone service was established in 1878, people said "Ahoy."
OPINION: Answering machines are becoming so popular now a days that soon we won't even have to call each other. Just get the answering machine to do it. While our robots gab on the phone, we can use this extra time to practice shooting "intruders" with guns that shoot spoons instead of bullets.

FACT: If you stretched out your intestines, they'd be about twenty-five feet long.
OPINION: It is important to stretch your intestines before exercising.

FACT: The fourth funnel on the Titanic was built for show. It was thought that the more funnels a ship had, the faster it would go.
OPINION: I attached a bunch of funnels to my car, but it still won't help me catch that damn Roadrunner.

FACT: The dye in red Jell-O is proven to make people energetic. So why do they serve that color most in school cafeterias?
OPINION: Because the white dye in the milk they serve at cafeterias makes children sleepy.

FACT: It takes 15 hours and 55 minutes to fly from Chicago to Hong Kong on a standard aircraft.
OPINION: It only takes 15 minutes on an aircraft with a bunch of funnels.

FACT: Between 1902 and 1907 the same tiger killed 436 people in India.
OPINION: Winnie the Pooh started Tigger's murder spree when he hired him to kill Christopher Robin.

FACT: The largest working gun is 141 feet long and 1,481.5 tons. It has a crew of 1,500.
OPINION: It's pretty effective in armed robberies, but it sucks to reload.

FACT: The youngest person with a doctorate is 12 years old.
OPINION: Most people with doctorates have bed wetting problems.

FACT: The longest union name is: The internationally association of marble, slate and stone polishers, rubbers and sawyers, tile and marble setters' helpers and marble, mosaic and terrazzo workers of Washington D.C. (or IAMSSPRSTMSHMMTWH for short).
OPINION: Their bumper sticker fits on two cars.

FACT: The #1 cause of death in fruit flies is constipation.
OPINION: The #1 cause of death for killer bees is playfights.

FACT: For every 2 cups of water you drink it takes 4 cups to wash.
OPINION: For every 2 cups of dishwashing liquid you drink it takes 4 years off your life.

FACT: The Bible is the most shoplifted/stolen book in America.
OPINION: Jeff Foxworthy's book is the least shoplifted/read book in America.

FACT: There are only 48 natural skin tones.
OPINION: It's silly to judge someone by their skin tone because underneath we're all just goo and slime.

FACT: There are more cows in Vermont than people.
OPINION: I like those odds.

What more can be said about  Stephan MacLeod .                                                                          




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Darren Stewart

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